Scary Movie 5 Review

Scary Movie 5

1 star out of 4

By Brett Takeshita

Why oh why did I see Scary Movie 5? I knew how terrible the reviews were. I knew how angry the fans were. I even saw the dumb trailer and wasn't impressed. However, I still had a glimmer of hope that this might be a good movie. After all, I love each of the past four installments. People hate on them, but I love them because they are so unashamedly stupid but hilarious. However, Scary Movie 5 is a huge step down from the previous installments. It is a huge letdown and a big disappointment. 

Couple Jody (Ashley Tisdale) and Dan (Simon Rex) decide to take in their "wild child" nieces as their own children. Little do they know that bringing in these children to their home will also bring forth disaster. Things go bump in the night. Jody begins experiencing chaos within her ballet company. Dan sees even weirder stuff at his monkey laboratory. Soon, they realize that something darker and more sinister might be after them. Thus begins Jody and Dan's wacky adventures as they attempt to rid themselves of the entity that could harm the whole family.

Why did I even write that summary? I'm pretty sure I yet again added more to the story than the film, itself, did. And do you really even care about the story? No, of course not.

Here's what you need to know- Scary Movie 5 is mainly based on the following films: Mama, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Black Swan, and Paranormal Activity. It contains a couple of pop culture references to Madea, Fifty Shades of Grey, et cetera. Lindsay Lohan, along with Charlie Sheen, Mac Miller, and Snoop Dogg, make celebrity cameo appearances.

What does all of this amount to? Suckage with a side of bull.

You know that Scary Movie 5 will be different than the other installments when half of the films that it's spoofing aren't even "scary" movies. Why even call it Scary Movie at all when it's not spoofing horror films? This is lazy filmmaking. We all know that director Malcolm D. Lee is capable of directing great films. However, Scary Movie 5 has nothing going for it. It's lifeless, dull, pointless, and most importantly, extremely unfunny. The script from David Zucker and Pat Proft is even worse. There is no trace of a coherent story to be found. At least the other films had a story that kept you interested and tons of gags that worked. This film meanders and appeals to the lowest common denominator of humor. I don't have a problem with fart, poop, burp jokes, but when they are painfully unfunny, they just test your patience.

One of the biggest problems with this film is that it's missing the stars of the previous installments: Anna Faris and Regina Hall. They are brilliantly funny comic actresses who always made the most of the jokes. Even when the jokes weren't great, they compensated with such infectious energy and effort that you had to at least smile. Unfortunately, Ashley Tisdale does not possess the right comedic chops to sell the jokes. She isn't terrible, but at the same time, she didn't make me laugh. Simon Rex is the best thing about this film. He really tries his best to sell the jokes no matter how stupid and horrible they may be. He is quite charming and deserves better than this film.

And in case you were wondering, the little opener with Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen is actually semi-decent. Not laugh-out-loud funny, but it has its moments. It's a deceptive start to an awful movie.

Scary Movie 5 has a runtime of 86 minutes. I believe that around 10 or 12 of those minutes are simply bloopers and outtakes during the end credits. So you essentially have a 75 minute film. I guess it's good that if you end up seeing this movie, you won't have to sit through it for too long. But again, why would you give this movie the time of day? If the filmmakers aren't willing to give their best efforts to make a solid movie, then why would you give the filmmakers the time, money, and/or attention and watch this movie? Beats me. Even if you love the Scary Movie series, skip 5. As a fan, I hate to say it, but if they are going to make future installments in the vein of 5, this series needs to end.